The Amazing Life of an OC
by fmdevil
Summary: Come follow the life (regardless of how short it is) of an OC who is going to be the biggest star of them all... No seriously, just ask him, he'll tell you. This is just my sarcastic take on a popular story plot. Rated M for language and crude humor. Small hints of ZoNa.


Standard disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, or any of its characters. And this piece of Fanfiction will contain crude humor and offensive language. You've been warned ;-}

 **The Amazing Life (and death) of an OC:**

OH YEAH! You all know what Motha Fucking Time it is! But just in case ya all forgot, it is time for another one of those, EPIC, OC falls into One Piece stories! … … Don't bitch eye roll at me! I'm serious! Look… I know that there are like a million of these stories, and some just plain suck… but this ain't one of those! What's different about my story you ask? The difference is ME! The OC, the main character, and I AM THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!

So let me tell you about me. Like I said earlier, I'm falling into the One Piece story, literally falling through the sky towards the ocean, and low and behold, I see the 1000 Sunny directly below me. Of course when I land safely on the decks of the ship, the Straw-hats are going to automatically ask me to join the crew, hell, I'm so fucking epic they'll probably make me co-captain! Yeah… yeah… I know that you have to have some great backstory to join the Straw-hat crew, and I got that, but we'll get to that later, after all, we got plenty of time because this story is going to be awesomely long… and I mentioned fucking epic, right? I know… I know… at the very least you want to know a little more about me, other than the fact that I'm falling through the sky, to know whether it is even worth wasting your time to read my story, which I assure you it is, in fact, after reading my story you may never want to read another one of these OC falling into One Piece stories again… … … because my story is fucking epic dammit!

So you first want to know my name? What? Weren't you fucking paying attention? I already told you my name! But I get it, I'm so awesome you all want to hear it again, so here it is: my name is Iam D Mothafukin Shit! But ya all can call me D Shit for short.

Now I bet ya all want to hear about my abilities, huh? What? You said not really? Well I'm going to tell you anyway! So naturally I'm a D, which means I'm bound for greatness, or some shit like that, Oda hasn't really explained that too well yet, so I'll just assume the D in my name makes me greater than what I already was, which is even hard for me to believe because I'm already so fucking awesome!

Haki? Yeah I can use Haki, all 4 kinds of it. What's that? You say there are only 3 kinds of Haki? Well I'm telling you I can use 4! And the 4th kind is called: Fuck Logic Haki! Because I'm so fucking awesomely epic, logic don't apply to me!

Devil Fruit? You damn right! I ate the most epic Devil Fruit of them all, the Shit-Shit Fruit! That's right, you heard me, the Shit-Shit Fruit! It a Logia type. And it allows me to turn my entire body into a big pile of shit. Plus I can use awakening, so my most powerful technique is called the Clogged Toilet. I turn my entire surroundings into shit, and make people wade through it, like they're plungers trying to unclog a toilet…

Holy Shit! It feels like it is taking forever for me to land on the Sunny… Speaking of Holy Shit: do ya all know that when people say that, they are actually praying to me? Because I'm like a fucking god! But I'm getting off subject… I can't wait to land on the decks of the Sunny. I bet once Nami and Robin see me, those two fine pieces will fall instantly in love with me and I can make them do whatever I want! But I also got to be careful, because according to half of these stories all the guys in the Straw-hat crew are gay… don't get me wrong, I ain't judging, to each their own, but I am way too fucking macho epic awesome to swing that way.

Holy Shit! (Hahaha! There I go praying to myself again) I'm almost there, I'm closing in on the Sunny fast, it is literally right beneath me, it almost feels like I could just reach out and touch it. I wonder what I should say when I land? Maybe something like "D Shit in the His-House..!" Nah… that's too corny and nowhere near epic enough for my landing. Well I still have a few more seconds to think about it, so no big deal… Wait what? Why haven't I landed yet, and why the FUCK is the Sunny starting to move away? Oh fuck! At this rate I'm going to land in the water! But that's impossible! At this rate I'm going to need help.

Holy Shit! (This really ain't the time to be praying to myself) I'm actually going to hit the water! Dammit, I hate to start off like this, but hopefully someone will hear me scream "Help!" and come to my rescue…

~Splash~

What in the fuck just happened? How in the hell could I actually miss the boat and fall into this shitty water… well the water wasn't actually shitty until I fell into it… but you get my point. This kind of shit never happens in these stories, now my grand entrance will be completely ruined… Aw well, no biggie, someone will come save me at any moment and everything will be right back on track.

I wonder who is going to save me; it could be Zoro or Sanji, maybe even Franky, but then again it will most likely be Nami, she undoubtedly sensed my natural awesomeness and is already madly in love with me, so there is no way she wouldn't come save me. This will be the start of our hot sexual relationship that will make Robin jealous until we let her in on the action…

Fuck, what is taking these guys so long, surely someone heard me scream for help, where the fuck are they?

-0-0-0-0-

In the library of the Sunny: Nami quickly sprung up from her chair at her map making desk, to look out the window after hearing a scream, and the sound of a splash. Her actions stirred Zoro, who was nearby taking a nap on the couch that surrounds the room.

"Did you hear that?" Nami asked the swordsman who sat up and did a small stretch to relieve the stiffness from his neck and shoulders.

"You mean the guy screaming for help before he fell into the water?" Nami gave him a nod of her head to confirm that that was what she had thought she heard as well. "Yeah, I heard it, what of it?"

"Do you think we should do something? What if it was a devil fruit user?" The navigator showed some mild concern.

"Tch…" Zoro sounded off with slight irritation. "Why should we bother? It's probably just another one of those damn random people who fall from the sky and think Luffy is just going to let them in the crew because of how awesome they supposedly are."

"Hmm…" Nami sounded as she nodded her head in agreement. "Very true. And if he is anything like the last one, he is probably annoyingly over confident, and he'll think Robin and I automatically love him and just want to fuck him for no reason what so ever." Nami shook her head in disgust as she remembered all the unsavory characters whom had just magically fell from the sky. The very thought of them made her feel dirty.

Zoro watched closely as Nami turned from the window and headed towards the ladder in the middle of the room. "So… do we go save him or not?"

"You can do what you want. I'm going to go take a bath." She put one hand on one of the ladder rungs and gave Zoro an inquisitive look.

"Tch…" Zoro sounded off annoyed again, sure he didn't like the idea of just leaving someone stranded in the middle of the ocean, but he also couldn't help the feeling that "We're better off not bothering with it. Besides, the guy will probably just assume that all us guys are gay, and will end up pissing me off."

Nami smiled at Zoro's last comment, sure the swordsman didn't openly gawk at, or swoon over, every pretty woman he came across like Sanji did, but she knew full well what Zoro's sexual preferences were. "Well… If you're not going to go save that guy… you could always join me in bath-house." Nami said with a suggestive smile, before beginning her climb up towards said bath-house.

Zoro let a small smile cross over his face before he removed his shirt, tossed it to the side, and soon followed Nami up the ladder.

-0-0-0-0-

You gotta be shitting me? No one is coming to save me? To top it off I'm starting to feel weak because of this damn water. I guess I'll just have to use my Fuck Logic Haki, swim all the way to the Sunny, and then smack the shit out of all those guys for not coming to help me… What the hell do you mean that my Fuck Logic Haki isn't a real thing?! So I'm going to drown?! And I'm going to die?! But I haven't even got to tell everyone my tear-jerking backstory yet… … …

Well… Shit…

 **-The End-**

Author Notes:

I've always wanted to write one of these stories and I gotta say that this has been really fun writing this. I have always had the opinion that OCs do not belong as Straw Hat inserts, especially overpowered Mary/Gary Sues that just pop into the world and take over because of how awesome they are. But unfortunately, despite trying to avoid those types of stories, I have on occasion stumbled across them anyway, and always regretted having read them, so this is kind of my sarcastic revenge on the popular OC Story genre.

Please also know that I'm not trying to be disrespectful to those who love their OC Stories, and work hard at developing them. At the end of the day, I will always say "Be passionate about your passions" even if your passions aren't mine. And just for the record I also believe that OCs do have a place in the One Piece Fanfiction world, I just more prefer them as side characters = Like rival pirate crews, or friendly, and not so friendly, faces met along the way. I have read about, and loved, a lot of people's OCs that the Straw Hats have stumbled across, and a good OC makes the main cast shine that much more. So everyone keep up the good work.

Well, I hope you all had fun reading this. Thanks for reading and please review.

-fmdevil-

PS: Who else thinks it's only a matter of time before Oda actually makes a character who ate the Shit-Shit fruit ;-}


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